Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize