You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
