Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Less talking, more tequila
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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