You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
