I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
