Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
