Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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