I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
