My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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