Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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