4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
