My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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