So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
