I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
