Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
