Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
