I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize