If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
