I think I died a long time ago.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
