If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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