Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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