Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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