as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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