Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
