What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
