Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize