RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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