this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
