i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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