He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize