i already hear my dad disowning me
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
