i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize