He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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