i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
