Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
