so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
