Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
