You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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