that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
