I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
