If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize