yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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