whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
