i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My bed smells like the plague
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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