so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
