john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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