There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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