If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
