He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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