I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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