I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
