Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
