You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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