A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
