I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
