I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
