No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
