Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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