what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
