I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
