Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
