i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
