he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize