meet me or not, i'm out of control
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
