I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
