Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
barbara walters just said penis...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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