Michael Bay diarrhea
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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